i'm very much facinated with a woman whom i've never met. she's my grandfather's mother. i was thinking about the few things i know about her, and the only things i have of her. at first, i thought the only things i have are a photo and the blood in my body. then i realized i have much more. through her and her husband, i have my heritage, my grandfather, my mother, my uncles, and my cousins. also through her, i have a name. i was named after this dark haired woman from poland who brought my family and i into the world...i feel like we would've been friends. even if she didnt like me, i'd make her be my friend. i can imagine us talking. me, in my dumb way, and her in her polish accent...
once when my grandfather and i were cooking together, just me and him, he told me stories about his parents, aunts and other family members. he told me about this one time when his mother and aunt were cooking together and funny things that happened. i imagined the stories as he told them. i imagined what everyone looked like and what their voices sounded like. he smiled as he spoke and looked off at nothing in particular recalling the events as we both stood at the stove cooking. i smiled too, largely. i'm probably abnormally interested in my predecessors. i wish i knew them. or at least had more tangible proof that i came from them. i want examples. i just want to know what they were like, what they liked, what they did, stuff like that.
and lately i've been thinking of who i am. who we are. i'm a collective. anyone who's been in my life up until this moment has left their mark on me in one way or another, even if it's a little mark. everything i am is because of someone else. we're all like patchwork quilts. bits and pieces of a lot of different people, sewn together to make one whole. something new and different. some of me came from my mom, my dad, my step-dad, my sisters, my brother-in-law, my cousins, aunts, uncles, my mom's best friend, my best friend's mom, my best friends themselves, people i've met only once, some whom i've never met, like anna, and anyone who's ever taught me anything, made me laugh, made me cry or made me mad. they've all left something with me, even if i've never realized it. i think that when you're young, you're like an empty canvas. your character is still in the making, so anyone can come along and paint on you and leave markings. and over time, you turn into a really eclectic work of art. you have a character all your own.
i guess the key though, is to make sure the painting is pretty. that's your job. you have to mark over any of the bad strokes, and add to the beautiful ones.
inspired. :)
ReplyDelete