Sunday, September 22, 2013

taking it in

note: i wrote this shortly after i graduated, which was months ago. but i forgot about it. so here it is now. 

being out of school is the second best and weirdest feeling i've ever felt. I'M FINALLY FREE! i no longer feel like a kid. even though i am, i dont feel like it and it's the best delusionary feeling i've known yet. graduation was so incredibly magical. because of my last name, i was on the second to last row. but the last full row. so we had to wait an aching long time to be called. but when we did, oh man. when my row was cued to stand up, we all stood mostly together, just as we were trained to do multiple times the day before. butterflies took over my entire being, not just my stomach. they jolted through me, in through my feet and out the top of my head and they left me dizzy and a little unsure of what exactly was happening. it made perfect sense again though, as we started walking. i felt like running. i wanted to run. i wanted to pass everyone, screaming and dancing my way up to the platform. but i didnt, i just walked calmly and grinned the whole way up. at one point on the way, i heard my name yelled out and i looked up almost directly at my dad and my sister who was swollen with her child who was playing with our heads, threatening to come into the world early. i waved at them, crazy, like an idiot. the two girls i was sitting next to, they had become my best friends. the grass i was walking on felt like silk. the coach those two girls and i had previously been laughing at because he looked high suddenly became someone i loved a lot. that teacher lady who apparently remembered me from when i was in her class in ninth grade made me want to cry as she threw a thumbs up and an understanding grin at me. the girl i had become friends with first semester was three girls ahead of me. her name was called and i watched her walk and i felt like i lost her. we werent even that close of friends and the only thing that made her "mine" in any way was that she was my friend in second block, first semester. so i dont know why i felt like i lost her. i guess it's because she was on that side now, and i was still on this one. i couldnt believe she was already walking across the stage. i remembered talking about graduation with her months before that moment, and how it seemed like it would never come. but there we were. i looked over the sea of kids, my graduating class, and saw some people i had never seen before and others who i was very proud to see. i got up to the line. i was next. one lady to my left smiled at me and said, "when they start saying your name, you can go. and congratulations." then the coach who we laughed at for looking high was standing to my right. he looked over at me, stared at me for a second and then said, "are you ready?" and i laughed and said, "i've been ready since sixth grade." he just looked at me after that, then nodded, then said, "then, go." and as if on cue, the woman said, "anna faith thompson". i heard my family's and might-as-well-be sisters' faint screams coming from the back of that outdoor stadium. i shook three people's hands, i think, and got a picture of me holding my diploma at the bottom of the platform. i laughed to myself and it was done.

Friday, September 20, 2013

a change

I don't think love is that confusing anymore. I used to think it was like a magical, mutual spell that came over two people and they would realize a bunch of things and go through certain steps before it was official, and then once it was, it was for life. but I don't think that's it. maybe love isn't a spell or a magical occurrence that's so special it only happens once. maybe it's not butterflies and laughter and happy movies. maybe love isn't super easy and obvious. maybe it's freaking hard. maybe it takes a lot of work and care. I think loving someone, whether you're in love with them or you just love them because you care, is very basically an agreement or a even a promise that you make to yourself without realizing that you'll be with them and for them no matter what. no matter what people say, no matter how badly they lied to you, no matter how much or many times they broke your heart. their little flaws, big ones, favorite cereals, favorite socks, least favorite movies, pet peeves, opinions, aspirations, you love it all because you decided that you love that person and you want to be next to them. love is maybe just an agreement to stick with someone no matter what. to want to be with them or at least near them. to know their secrets. to know what makes them mad. to want to take care of them and be there when they're happy or to be the first and last person to say I love you and to be the happiest when they're succeeding. 

maybe it's not a majestic moment when it happens. not to say that it doesn't feel majestic in the moment, but it doesn't always have to be. love might just be the first person you think of when you think of anything, and the person who's been there all along. who's always there for you. the person you keep going back to. the one you can't and don't want to get over. 
maybe it's actually not so complicated and maybe it just happens and you don't realize it's there until they're walking away from you.

Sunday, July 14, 2013

this is where i see you.

some notes I took on the plane.

flying over your city is some kind of magic. atlanta will always be my city. it's my home, it's where I grew up. seeing it from above makes me proud. it's so small. I look at the buildings and think, I was there not too long ago, and now I'm here, hundreds of feet above it. it's weird. now matter how much I fly in my life, I don't think I'll ever get used to it. at least I hope not. it's the coolest thing ever. I don't know how the people next to me are sleeping right now. how. 
I'm next to the window, and I keep looking out over the cities and trees and the tiny buildings we're flying over and the clouds we're going through and I wish my grandfather would sit down because it's slightly turbulent at the moment and he's going to fall...

okay, he's seated. and I look at the sky and the different shades of blue and I love how it gets darker as I look up. it's so beautiful...I look up as high as I can, at the darkest blue I can see, and I try to imagine what's out there. I know that just beyond the blue, it's black. and starry. and probably way more beautiful than this. God is amazing. he's such an imaginative artist.

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

in no specific order

here's some proof that i'm alive and that we've been doing stuff. 
most of these photos are from my iphone, so that's why they're rough looking. 
the very last photo though, is by haley. (click her name and like her page.)

actually, this entire post is really messy because i dont really care. 
things are out of order, chronologically. sorry.
okay, here.


this is noah. 

this was my graduation practice. (which i'll tell you more about soon. promise.)

 we were at the hospital for 30 hours when my sister was having noah. i got this picture of the men sleeping in the waiting room. it was somewhere between midnight and 4 am.

(i love him a lot)

by the way, i'm going to LA in four days, God willing. (HECK YEAH!) so hopefully i'll have some rad things to share with you all very soon. and again, sorry for this messy post.

much love,
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only the shallow know themselves. -oscar wilde