i get sad really deeply, really quick nowadays. is this normal? am i depressed?
everything makes me sad. for example, i'm listening to "the ballad of love and hate" by the avett brothers, and i almost started crying. it reminded me of jesse, my old roommate. him and his wife love the avett brothers. and one night, a few nights before they left me for north carolina, i sat up in their room with them while ruth packed and jesse quietly picked and sang that song. candles and incense were burning. it made me cry. i love them so much.
and lately, i've been forced to grow up. a lot. and trying to be mature isnt really something that feels good. it's not fun. sometimes i want to give up and run away. sometimes, i dont like anything. i hate everything. i miss people. i miss not caring about stuff. why do i care about so much stuff suddenly?...i think that's my problem now. i care. i used to not. it's a heavy thing, to care.
there are so many decisions in life. i wish there was some kind of book where i could open it up and it say, "anna, do this..." or, "anna, this is how it's going to turn out...so dont be sad." i want to open the book and see the answer i've been looking for, a simple one and it be perfect.
i want to skip this portion of my life. i want to jump forward a few years so i'll have some answers...but i guess that defeats the purpose.
these annoying times will just make the end product that much sweeter. i know it.
...i just cant see it yet.