Thursday, August 9, 2012

is maturity supposed to make you sad?

i get sad really deeply, really quick nowadays. is this normal? am i depressed?

everything makes me sad. for example, i'm listening to "the ballad of love and hate" by the avett brothers, and i almost started crying. it reminded me of jesse, my old roommate. him and his wife love the avett brothers. and one night, a few nights before they left me for north carolina, i sat up in their room with them while ruth packed and jesse quietly picked and sang that song. candles and incense were burning. it made me cry. i love them so much.

and lately, i've been forced to grow up. a lot. and trying to be mature isnt really something that feels good. it's not fun. sometimes i want to give up and run away. sometimes, i dont like anything. i hate everything. i miss people. i miss not caring about stuff. why do i care about so much stuff suddenly?...i think that's my problem now. i care. i used to not. it's a heavy thing, to care.

there are so many decisions in life. i wish there was some kind of book where i could open it up and it say, "anna, do this..." or, "anna, this is how it's going to turn dont be sad." i want to open the book and see the answer i've been looking for, a simple one and it be perfect.

i want to skip this portion of my life. i want to jump forward a few years so i'll have some answers...but i guess that defeats the purpose.

these annoying times will just make the end product that much sweeter. i know it.

...i just cant see it yet.


  1. I wish you were here, or I was there, and we were talking, because this stuff that makes up life - this is what I could stay up all night turning inside out with someone, just for the sake of reaffirming that we're both human.

    I like this:
    "It's a heavy thing, to care." <-- Beautiful, and true.

  2. i've noticed that too. and yeah, it started about senior year too. it stinks growing up, but in another way it's really awesome, because what would life be without car? and i have bad/good news. it gets worse, you care more, and as time goes on, naturally more stuff happens that you care about, at least, that's what my folks tell me, but don't worry, God will hold your heart so it doesn't fall apart.

  3. i love you, tay. thank you for this.

    i'm glad i'm not alone.

  4. p.s., you inspired me to post too. ha

  5. Awwwwww Anna dear....we have all been through this, as Emily said. there comes a point in time where you have to start growing up because life is moving forward and you have to catch up with it! :) At least, that's how I felt around senior year. there are lots of decisions that you're going to make (big and small),so you're thought process is going to grow and mature, and you will too. it's just part of life. it really isn't fun in the transition time (like the big transition from high school to not-high-school--whether that be college or a career or whatever) because the way you've lived your life is going to change....but give it some time and you're going to feel very satisfied with yourself when you look back and see how much you've grown. :)
    One word of advice I can offer is to never, ever, ever stop communicating with God, ESPECIALLY in this transition time of your life. when you stop praying and/or reading the Word, your relationship with Him suffers. Trust me, I have learned this lesson countless times, I tell you....COUNTLESS. the outcome is NEVER good when you're not in daily communication with the Lord. but when your focus is on Him, your outlook on life (however bleak the situation is looking from where you stand) will change for the better. :)
    I love you and pray for you often, dearest cousin.

  6. wow, Anna. you basically just summed up my thoughts on life right now. it feels like everything matters all of a sudden, and the weight of that is so hard to bear without God. thank you for this post. really, I need to get to know you better. =)


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only the shallow know themselves. -oscar wilde